I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
