the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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