those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
