the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
