Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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