I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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