honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
