Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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