I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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