Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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