My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
dude. I can hear the air.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
