I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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