"it" just moved
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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