i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
