I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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