there was a trapeze. enough said
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You dont lie about slip and slides
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
