I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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