There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
this will be a night to untag.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
