I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
