You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
