I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
