the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Are my feet made of real feet?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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