i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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