Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
