Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
