just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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