I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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