its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
