David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
