The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
