Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
