Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
What a dumb baby whore.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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