Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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