I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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