she kept yelling 'call me bella'
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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