I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
