what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
