drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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