Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
