Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
