Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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