How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
