If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
