I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
