Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
