remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I didn't notice because vodka
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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