just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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