thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
