i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
These tits shall not be calmed
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