Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
