tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
