They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
