Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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